Not abroad anymore

I find myself missing writing. Typing out my thoughts and letting go of some things I hold back. I constantly find myself stressing about not writing, not documenting my life enough. All who know me, know that I always take lots of photos.. but I never really excel to get them developed or in this modern age "edited"and sent out digitally. I need to make myself do this more.

Going into the new school year I just heard a message that I heard about 3 years ago, repeated to me. That in life (or school) you need to be "ugly" don't try and be cute to impress or make yourself look like you don't care because that is what is going to make us not succeed. Yet, you need to be ugly to really succeed. I find the guy that was trying to get this point across was of course raised in the slums and now rose above it and got his doctorate and we should just aspire to be like him? I just don't understand him. Yes, I believe that life is about working hard, but I don't believe its always suppose to be about school. Maybe I'm just in that part of my life that some people take that year off and travel.. and I have to say that sounds pretty attractive to me when thinking ahead and knowing that I have to get my masters to possibly even get a job as a social worker. I often ask myself I'm sure with a lot of others.. Is this really what I want? A slip of paper saying that I can use google, cram for tests, and struggle through papers. Am I the only one that is always trying for the easy way out of school because I want to enjoy my "real life" of watching netflix and enjoying food?

I tell myself that it is okay for me to sit in bed and eat my heart out and let myself go because I can't do that in my day-to-day life, so when I get a chance to its a nothing off limits day. (cookies, movies, sleep) I mean we all need those.

Why is everybody okay with being alone when its appropriate, but so weirded out when I want to do something like going to the beach by myself, where thats considered a "social event". Because honestly I feel like sometimes I have a hell of a lot more fun by myself then I would with other people. I see the strain in social events when there spaces not to talk, when to leave, and when to eat, or ask to stop.

I miss traveling, I miss days by myself even though when I was by myself I wanted to be back home, here. I don't think I changed who I was with other people when I studied abroad, but I change who I am when I'm alone with myself. I am the kind of person that has always enjoyed my own company but I never realised how much I loved traveling with myself.

I don't know who will read this. Not sure if I want my family or friends to.

Love,
Ally